The feedback I received on my first post 'An year of Sh'eeeee't - The beginning' gave me enough motivation to continue and take this all the way. So here I am, continuing the story from the point where I left.
After we cleared the health checks, the In(tro)duction program kicked off.
Once we are done with all the joining formalities at the Central Sheeeeeting Location, the HitleR ordered us to reach the same place next day at 8 in the morning, 'POSITIVELY'. We all started back to a** palace in the evening and after driving half the distance, the guy sitting next to me yelled "Guys!!! Baba did not get into the vehicle!!!". We went back to CSL to get Baba and by the time we reached CSL, he was wandering all around the area as if he is searching for his lost testicles. He got into the vehicle and we resumed our journey back. "What were you doing there Baba?" the sardar in the vehicle enquired. "I thought that place is meant to Sheeeeet and was doing my duty for an extended duration" he replied. We reached the a** palace in 30 mins and all the Tabaquis got lost in their mobiles. We were allotted one double occupancy room for every three persons as part of cost cutting plans. As a result, one person had to sleep on the floor every night. Hell. We had the first flavor of the treatment we are going to receive in the future but I took it in a positive manner. Yeah, I took every thing positive those days as I was highly MOTIVATED and LOYAL to the comp (I would have received the title 'Most Loyal Employee' if something of that sort existed).
With the reporting time at CSL being 8 AM, we have set the alarm to 5. But as usual, am the last to wake up after Indian Tabaqui and Motu Tabaqui and had to jump into my shoes directly from bed. Since its the first day, we tried hard to reach on-time. We got into the car and started our journey to CSL. We observed that the AC was not running and asked the pilot to run the AC (The heat was unbearable). "Sir, we are asked not to run the AC as it is against the comp policy to provide an AC vehicle to trainees" replied the pilot. We just had the second essence. We managed to reach CSL by 8:15 and headed straight away to the guest house for having breakfast. Just hearing that idly is on the menu, Niagara started flowing inside my mouth. I took some 6 idlys and was very eager to swallow them. I tried to cut an idly with the spoon only to realize that a saw would be needed to cut that. The idly was strong enough to break Sachin's bat if used as a cricket ball. Soorma immediately started an NPD (New Product Development) session on how to develop cricket balls from those idlys. "Dude, we can make cricket balls out of these" he started. "Yeah man" I agreed. "The ball will be called the 'bhalla breaker' and the shape will be non-spherical" he said. "What the hell is a non-spherical ball?" I questioned. "One that is made out of Sheeeeet like this" he smiled for a moment and replied. After a minor war with the idlys, we all gathered in the lecture hall for the sessions to begin.
The 'POSITIVE 8' has become 11 and the program started with a ppt about the overview of the greeeep with the Sheeeeet in focus. The effect of the speech was more powerful than consuming a bottle of sleeping pills and as soon as they started, I fell asleep sitting in the last row. By the time I came out of my dream world, it was finance and again, I gave a damn to it and continued my dreams. Next came marketing and this time I was a little more interested than the previous sessions. We were told the person came all the way from our commercial capital branch to deliver the (fill in the blank). He started speaking and I was all involved and forgot rest of the world. He spoke for half an hour and to my shock, the speech involved every thing in the world except marketing. "WTF is he saying?" I thought but got to one conclusion that in here marketing is just another name for logistics. Ha haaa... it covered both my majors and minors with no real reference to either subjects. I was eagerly waiting for the lecture/speech/presentation on the basic profile I was hired into - Operations, which to my shock never came up (as there is no such department). Slowly I got used to these kinda shocks as the introduction of all the departments finished.
Next Day:
Enters the real big cartoon character - 'The Snakey' with his f***ing mindless sheeeeet of ice breaking games(if you can call them). We were in the conference hall on that day seated in the order - Motu Tabaqui, Soorma Tabaqui, Manjan Tabaqui, Frustu Tabaqui, Ungli Tabaqui, Pichi Tabaqui and Indian Tabaqui in a semi circular fashion. Snakey started his first game - 'Name The Sheeeeet'. The game was apt to be conducted at a mental asylum... oops!!! we were already there. "I think this guy resembles a species which Na'vis would love put in their zoo on Pandora" I said to Ungli Tabaqui. "Yeah definitely" replied Ungli as we shared a good laugh. After the name game, he started giving some bullsheeeeet motivational speech which instantly motivated me to sleep. Meanwhile, Pichi Tabaqui said "Sir, we are all feeling sleepy". "Oh well then, I think you people should take a power nap now" replied Snakey. That reply developed hell lot of love in me towards Snakey (Please dont think the other way, it was just a feel of gratitude). Immediately my head felt strong magnetic attraction with the table and fell on to it to take the POWER NAP. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard Snakey trying to hypnotise us "Now you are a 5 year old kid". WTF, I opened my eyes in a jiffy to see Manjan Tabaqui being in the same confused state as me. I tried to get back to my sleep but that Snakey a** had other plans than letting us sleep. "You are now playing with a colorful balloon" he continued "An INFLATED balloon". "Now wtf is an inflated balloon?" I thought. I could sense all the Tabaquis trying their best to control their laugh while their heads still having a romance with the table. The next game was "kick your balls" which was actually a good team building game and we enjoyed kicking the balls.
We started back to hotel a** palace in our vehicle after finishing the gaming session. "Anybody ready to consume C2H5OH tonight?" I enquired. "Yes" said four other Tabaquis instantaneously with their faces glowing like flood lights. "Wooooo! good response" I thought. We (Motu, Frustu, Soorma, Ungli & Pichi) went to the 'Red Garden' at '8 PM'. The Tabaquis have ordered KFS and two Non Veg Platters. "Cheers to our NEW life" we had a toast (we dint knew that we were the biggest a******s to do that) and started to consume the barley water. After having 650 ml each, as expected, we are in a completely different mode. "I was kidnapped as a child" Soorma Tabaqui flagged off the entertainment.
"WTF" all of us exclaimed.
"Yeah man!! when I was in class 8 someone kidnapped me while I was returning home from school". We started looking at each other wondering if the barley water has started acting on him. "They applied chloroform and took me to an unknown location but with the intelligence am born with, I managed an easy escape". Yeah, we are now clear its the KFS speaking and not Mr. Soorma Tabaqui. But our Motu Tabaqui did not stop "How did you manage to escape, Soorma?" he fired a question. "Ohhh How? I am a karate brown belt dude, you know" replied Soorma. Ungli Tabaqui gave a pissed look and said "Enough! bhand karo ye F.A.L.T.U kahani and Frustu, tell us when would you marry?"
"Fuck you dumb ass, why the hell did you disturb Soorma's flow and turn the attention towards me, that too with such kinda question?" I thought, and gave a bloody look which said 'Do you think I am in a condition to answer that question?' "Yeah, you have to answer it" said Ungli Tabaqui as if he read my mind. With no option left, "Very soon, but it would be in the US" I replied. "How come you get married in the US and that too without our presence" Motu fired one more question. Even I have no idea why I said that. "Who said you wont be available at my wedding? I will make all the necessary arrangements for your visit" I offered and immediately thought "WTF have I done? I just promised a US trip for 4. Hell, who remembers all these things, after all they are drunk like hell" (But these buggers did remember those things the next morning). The evening went well with all the crap in the world till we had no space left in our tummies for any more barley water. It was pretty late by the time we finished and we could not find a vehicle to get back to our palace. So we decided to walk even though we are not in a condition to. Motu Tabaqui and myself were walking together hand-in-hand resembling a newly wedded couple and then Soorma joined us making the trio 'Three _________'. We are not sure how we reached our palace but we reached safe.
With the induction program coming to an end, we were being informed about our respective locations/units on the last day of the program. Everyone left for their respective locations except the Come-RCL guys aka the Tabaquis. We were asked to stay back for getting trained on how to work on 'Yes, I Pee' which would start the very next day, again at CSL.
Next morning, we all assembled in the conference hall for the training session to begin. As usual, I started looking out for a place where the prof's eye could concentrate the least and then settled in one corner. A person entered the room and introduced himself. "Hello, I am Sar-dard-laaya, the Come-RCL head of this location. I will be training you for the next 4-5 days on how to work on 'Yes, I Pee'. Now briefly, please introduce yourself" he said. We all introduced ourselves in three lines 'Name, College, Native place'. He started with the training and I started drawing some strange things on my notes. Hoping I am taking some notes, Manjan Tabaqui peeped into my notes and got amazed looking at the diagrams on the paper ranging from the theme of Diwali to Independence day (kids would draw much better than me). After two hours of marathon lecture we had our lunch at the guest house and are back into the same conference hall. Since Mr. Sar-dard-laaya informed us that he would start the lecture after an hour, all of us got into some playful mood cracking jokes and pulling each other's legs. Manjan Tabaqui took Motu's pen and started writing something. "Motu Tabaqui, Manjan took your PEN" I informed him. I still don't understand the bloody logic which made him look DOWN to check if ITS actually missing. Ungli Tabaqui noticed the gesture and burst out laughing. Manjan and Myself caught it immediately and joined Ungli Tabaqui to enjoy the moment. The rest of the Tabaquis stared at three of us wondering what actually happened and why we are laughing like monkeys. Meanwhile, our Sar-dard has entered the room and started his session. It continued for an hour and he finally said "Guys, we are done for today. Come and meet me in my cabin before you leave". "We are done with today's schedule and we will be leaving now" replied Pichi Tabaqui. "Oh well then, follow me to my cabin" said Mr. Sar-dard-laaya.
We gathered in his cabin and he started to share his experiences and all. Was quite boring but I listened carefully to what ever he spoke. He did not stop for a second until Motu Tabaqui interrupted "Sir our bus will be leaving in 10 minutes, we have to leave". "No no, you have to stay with me for some more time. My son is coming from Hyderabad and I have to pick him at the airport. Till then you people have to give me some company" he replied. "What the hell!!! we have to stay back for two more hours just to sit with him." I thought. I could see the same feeling running in the minds of my friends through their facial expressions. Finally, after 90 minutes his phone rang and we had a sigh of relief. "Thank you guys for bearing me all this time" he said and left. "Beee Seee! Sardar-ne-liya yaar, screwwww" Ungli exclaimed as soon as we got out of the room. All of us were really exhausted listening to his horrible experiences and dragged ourselves to the bus stop.
Next few days, we had 'Yes, I Pee' training in the first half of the day and 'Know your Sheeeeet' session post lunch where we have to meet all the HODs and know the work of their respective departments. After meeting a few HODs, we started to feel the real Sheeeeet which we are to experience in the days to come. "Guys, we dont have any value in this comp" Manjan said sadly. "You realized it very late dear" replied Soorma. Meanwhile, looking at where we are, what we are and what we have, my so called MOTIVATION and LOYALTY started to fade out. On the final day of our 'Yes, I Pee' training, we were informed about our respective locations and all the Tabaquis had to depart their ways.
After we cleared the health checks, the In(tro)duction program kicked off.
Once we are done with all the joining formalities at the Central Sheeeeeting Location, the HitleR ordered us to reach the same place next day at 8 in the morning, 'POSITIVELY'. We all started back to a** palace in the evening and after driving half the distance, the guy sitting next to me yelled "Guys!!! Baba did not get into the vehicle!!!". We went back to CSL to get Baba and by the time we reached CSL, he was wandering all around the area as if he is searching for his lost testicles. He got into the vehicle and we resumed our journey back. "What were you doing there Baba?" the sardar in the vehicle enquired. "I thought that place is meant to Sheeeeet and was doing my duty for an extended duration" he replied. We reached the a** palace in 30 mins and all the Tabaquis got lost in their mobiles. We were allotted one double occupancy room for every three persons as part of cost cutting plans. As a result, one person had to sleep on the floor every night. Hell. We had the first flavor of the treatment we are going to receive in the future but I took it in a positive manner. Yeah, I took every thing positive those days as I was highly MOTIVATED and LOYAL to the comp (I would have received the title 'Most Loyal Employee' if something of that sort existed).
With the reporting time at CSL being 8 AM, we have set the alarm to 5. But as usual, am the last to wake up after Indian Tabaqui and Motu Tabaqui and had to jump into my shoes directly from bed. Since its the first day, we tried hard to reach on-time. We got into the car and started our journey to CSL. We observed that the AC was not running and asked the pilot to run the AC (The heat was unbearable). "Sir, we are asked not to run the AC as it is against the comp policy to provide an AC vehicle to trainees" replied the pilot. We just had the second essence. We managed to reach CSL by 8:15 and headed straight away to the guest house for having breakfast. Just hearing that idly is on the menu, Niagara started flowing inside my mouth. I took some 6 idlys and was very eager to swallow them. I tried to cut an idly with the spoon only to realize that a saw would be needed to cut that. The idly was strong enough to break Sachin's bat if used as a cricket ball. Soorma immediately started an NPD (New Product Development) session on how to develop cricket balls from those idlys. "Dude, we can make cricket balls out of these" he started. "Yeah man" I agreed. "The ball will be called the 'bhalla breaker' and the shape will be non-spherical" he said. "What the hell is a non-spherical ball?" I questioned. "One that is made out of Sheeeeet like this" he smiled for a moment and replied. After a minor war with the idlys, we all gathered in the lecture hall for the sessions to begin.
The 'POSITIVE 8' has become 11 and the program started with a ppt about the overview of the greeeep with the Sheeeeet in focus. The effect of the speech was more powerful than consuming a bottle of sleeping pills and as soon as they started, I fell asleep sitting in the last row. By the time I came out of my dream world, it was finance and again, I gave a damn to it and continued my dreams. Next came marketing and this time I was a little more interested than the previous sessions. We were told the person came all the way from our commercial capital branch to deliver the (fill in the blank). He started speaking and I was all involved and forgot rest of the world. He spoke for half an hour and to my shock, the speech involved every thing in the world except marketing. "WTF is he saying?" I thought but got to one conclusion that in here marketing is just another name for logistics. Ha haaa... it covered both my majors and minors with no real reference to either subjects. I was eagerly waiting for the lecture/speech/presentation on the basic profile I was hired into - Operations, which to my shock never came up (as there is no such department). Slowly I got used to these kinda shocks as the introduction of all the departments finished.
Next Day:
Enters the real big cartoon character - 'The Snakey' with his f***ing mindless sheeeeet of ice breaking games(if you can call them). We were in the conference hall on that day seated in the order - Motu Tabaqui, Soorma Tabaqui, Manjan Tabaqui, Frustu Tabaqui, Ungli Tabaqui, Pichi Tabaqui and Indian Tabaqui in a semi circular fashion. Snakey started his first game - 'Name The Sheeeeet'. The game was apt to be conducted at a mental asylum... oops!!! we were already there. "I think this guy resembles a species which Na'vis would love put in their zoo on Pandora" I said to Ungli Tabaqui. "Yeah definitely" replied Ungli as we shared a good laugh. After the name game, he started giving some bullsheeeeet motivational speech which instantly motivated me to sleep. Meanwhile, Pichi Tabaqui said "Sir, we are all feeling sleepy". "Oh well then, I think you people should take a power nap now" replied Snakey. That reply developed hell lot of love in me towards Snakey (Please dont think the other way, it was just a feel of gratitude). Immediately my head felt strong magnetic attraction with the table and fell on to it to take the POWER NAP. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard Snakey trying to hypnotise us "Now you are a 5 year old kid". WTF, I opened my eyes in a jiffy to see Manjan Tabaqui being in the same confused state as me. I tried to get back to my sleep but that Snakey a** had other plans than letting us sleep. "You are now playing with a colorful balloon" he continued "An INFLATED balloon". "Now wtf is an inflated balloon?" I thought. I could sense all the Tabaquis trying their best to control their laugh while their heads still having a romance with the table. The next game was "kick your balls" which was actually a good team building game and we enjoyed kicking the balls.
We started back to hotel a** palace in our vehicle after finishing the gaming session. "Anybody ready to consume C2H5OH tonight?" I enquired. "Yes" said four other Tabaquis instantaneously with their faces glowing like flood lights. "Wooooo! good response" I thought. We (Motu, Frustu, Soorma, Ungli & Pichi) went to the 'Red Garden' at '8 PM'. The Tabaquis have ordered KFS and two Non Veg Platters. "Cheers to our NEW life" we had a toast (we dint knew that we were the biggest a******s to do that) and started to consume the barley water. After having 650 ml each, as expected, we are in a completely different mode. "I was kidnapped as a child" Soorma Tabaqui flagged off the entertainment.
"WTF" all of us exclaimed.
"Yeah man!! when I was in class 8 someone kidnapped me while I was returning home from school". We started looking at each other wondering if the barley water has started acting on him. "They applied chloroform and took me to an unknown location but with the intelligence am born with, I managed an easy escape". Yeah, we are now clear its the KFS speaking and not Mr. Soorma Tabaqui. But our Motu Tabaqui did not stop "How did you manage to escape, Soorma?" he fired a question. "Ohhh How? I am a karate brown belt dude, you know" replied Soorma. Ungli Tabaqui gave a pissed look and said "Enough! bhand karo ye F.A.L.T.U kahani and Frustu, tell us when would you marry?"
"Fuck you dumb ass, why the hell did you disturb Soorma's flow and turn the attention towards me, that too with such kinda question?" I thought, and gave a bloody look which said 'Do you think I am in a condition to answer that question?' "Yeah, you have to answer it" said Ungli Tabaqui as if he read my mind. With no option left, "Very soon, but it would be in the US" I replied. "How come you get married in the US and that too without our presence" Motu fired one more question. Even I have no idea why I said that. "Who said you wont be available at my wedding? I will make all the necessary arrangements for your visit" I offered and immediately thought "WTF have I done? I just promised a US trip for 4. Hell, who remembers all these things, after all they are drunk like hell" (But these buggers did remember those things the next morning). The evening went well with all the crap in the world till we had no space left in our tummies for any more barley water. It was pretty late by the time we finished and we could not find a vehicle to get back to our palace. So we decided to walk even though we are not in a condition to. Motu Tabaqui and myself were walking together hand-in-hand resembling a newly wedded couple and then Soorma joined us making the trio 'Three _________'. We are not sure how we reached our palace but we reached safe.
With the induction program coming to an end, we were being informed about our respective locations/units on the last day of the program. Everyone left for their respective locations except the Come-RCL guys aka the Tabaquis. We were asked to stay back for getting trained on how to work on 'Yes, I Pee' which would start the very next day, again at CSL.
Next morning, we all assembled in the conference hall for the training session to begin. As usual, I started looking out for a place where the prof's eye could concentrate the least and then settled in one corner. A person entered the room and introduced himself. "Hello, I am Sar-dard-laaya, the Come-RCL head of this location. I will be training you for the next 4-5 days on how to work on 'Yes, I Pee'. Now briefly, please introduce yourself" he said. We all introduced ourselves in three lines 'Name, College, Native place'. He started with the training and I started drawing some strange things on my notes. Hoping I am taking some notes, Manjan Tabaqui peeped into my notes and got amazed looking at the diagrams on the paper ranging from the theme of Diwali to Independence day (kids would draw much better than me). After two hours of marathon lecture we had our lunch at the guest house and are back into the same conference hall. Since Mr. Sar-dard-laaya informed us that he would start the lecture after an hour, all of us got into some playful mood cracking jokes and pulling each other's legs. Manjan Tabaqui took Motu's pen and started writing something. "Motu Tabaqui, Manjan took your PEN" I informed him. I still don't understand the bloody logic which made him look DOWN to check if ITS actually missing. Ungli Tabaqui noticed the gesture and burst out laughing. Manjan and Myself caught it immediately and joined Ungli Tabaqui to enjoy the moment. The rest of the Tabaquis stared at three of us wondering what actually happened and why we are laughing like monkeys. Meanwhile, our Sar-dard has entered the room and started his session. It continued for an hour and he finally said "Guys, we are done for today. Come and meet me in my cabin before you leave". "We are done with today's schedule and we will be leaving now" replied Pichi Tabaqui. "Oh well then, follow me to my cabin" said Mr. Sar-dard-laaya.
We gathered in his cabin and he started to share his experiences and all. Was quite boring but I listened carefully to what ever he spoke. He did not stop for a second until Motu Tabaqui interrupted "Sir our bus will be leaving in 10 minutes, we have to leave". "No no, you have to stay with me for some more time. My son is coming from Hyderabad and I have to pick him at the airport. Till then you people have to give me some company" he replied. "What the hell!!! we have to stay back for two more hours just to sit with him." I thought. I could see the same feeling running in the minds of my friends through their facial expressions. Finally, after 90 minutes his phone rang and we had a sigh of relief. "Thank you guys for bearing me all this time" he said and left. "Beee Seee! Sardar-ne-liya yaar, screwwww" Ungli exclaimed as soon as we got out of the room. All of us were really exhausted listening to his horrible experiences and dragged ourselves to the bus stop.
Next few days, we had 'Yes, I Pee' training in the first half of the day and 'Know your Sheeeeet' session post lunch where we have to meet all the HODs and know the work of their respective departments. After meeting a few HODs, we started to feel the real Sheeeeet which we are to experience in the days to come. "Guys, we dont have any value in this comp" Manjan said sadly. "You realized it very late dear" replied Soorma. Meanwhile, looking at where we are, what we are and what we have, my so called MOTIVATION and LOYALTY started to fade out. On the final day of our 'Yes, I Pee' training, we were informed about our respective locations and all the Tabaquis had to depart their ways.
